You know you hear of oppressive systems in society. You know when you have one community being oppressive over another. We forget that inter-community oppression is a common practice as well. Where I am located. I feel that to a certain degree people like myself are not very accepted into my community of Trans* folks. Only because I don't feel that when people look at me they go "Oh that person, they are just so confused about who they are. We shouldn't accept them because they are just a jumbled up mess." You know, I am choose the monocular of Gender-queer after I had identified for 6 years as a Trans-Female. Only because I have a choices! The fact that being bore a child of the inter-sex nature only helped me come to this realization. To be honest, my body is just as much as a car crash my brain is most days. I won't lie. I keep many things to myself, but I think if someone knew the things I thought of or even saw them. They'd declare me a Grade A loony and just ship me off.
It's scary sometimes to be the person I am. Just because I feel "I am not Trans* enough." Not because I am told this but by the way people in the community absolutely treat me. The dominant persons in the community is Trans-Men/Males/Boi. Honestly, I find them absolutely captivating and prefer to date them to anyone else. The problem is that they don't seem to want to even associate themselves with me. Trans-males at least from my perspectives travel in packs and like to only let a certain number of people or type of person into those packs. If you don't assume the roles they are looking for or meet the guidelines should I say they seem to push you away. Honestly, I know about a handful of Trans-Women/Females who even exist in this community because I know they themselves have felt pushed out by the Trans-Masculine people. They just cannot seem to find other Trans-Feminine people so they huddle in the corners.
The main problem I see from this is because it comes down to my genitalia to be honest. I was not biologically born a female and since I was born male. I cannot play with the boys because of Gender Roles that we cling to make sense of ourselves. Yes, I can understand that these folks are friends because they have commonalities in their lives. "Walked the same path." as I would say. Though, I feel that since I was born a boy and now I am Gender-queer neither sides of the fence even like to associate with me. Those who do really are quite a interesting folk who only like to associate with me because of certain traits. I'm hilarious to be around, I'm an amazing host, I go to great lengths to make people happy. I feel used more than I think I should.
It's just something that bugs me, when both sides of the fence just want me to walk the fence by myself. If I do walk that line, I'm just Tegan... all by myself. I do so much for people and feel highly under appreciated. I was told this would happen, but I don't see how you can have a community that is divided by Gender Roles, when we ourselves detest these roles in the first place. We are huge Hippocrates to a degree. I know myself I am as well. I would just like to see improvement in the community by working together. I'm feel that I am just "put up with". I don't get to "hang with the boys". I feel left out when I hear about them all congregating together and leaving people like myself out. How do you build a community when it's so one-sided and the smaller persons are pushed out. I mean come on this is why most Trans* Groups in Cincinnati that where formed where for Trans-Masculine folks aka Cincy-Boys.
The fact that it was called Cincy-Boys just seems very oppressive to the female on the spectrum. I know it even seem non-inclusive to my own person. Then you have Crossport. An organization that is catered to older Trans* folks and primarily people who call themselves Transsexuals. That's interesting because I know my genderation does not go by Transsexual because the term itself means to transcend sexual being. I am not transcending my sexual being. I am transcending both gender and sex. That's who I am. I would like to have a bigger community for Genderqueer folk, because we are frankly awesome!
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