Most folks go home and enjoy a meal with their family without any type of hiccups or other mishaps. Some of us spend the holiday alone. Some of us dread going to see our families. Some of us love to see our chosen families. All I know that folks have an idea of how the holiday should be spent and go to great lengths to have it go smoothly. Though, what's really interesting is that we never reflect on the conversations we have. Casual or not, the conversations you have over dinner could be the most life-altering conversations people could have. Myself, I feel absolutely amazing when I have a conversation at a holiday nowadays.
Being trans* is a whole jumble of everything you could imagine. Though, how you play the cards you are dealt means you are going to surely persevere in the MOST amazing ways. Though, when we eat dinner with our family (chosen or not). You have more interesting conversations because the things Trans* people view as a privilege to have, most CIS gendered folks take it for granted because they have had the privileges they have had all their lives. Myself I feel most happy to be able to have a conversations with my family and be who I am. That's the most touching thing I can honestly imagine! I can talk about sports, current events, and even rather random things. I can also do my rants about gender and privilege. My family, kinda just looks at me and go "Okay, that's you and we love who you are. So we are going to incorporate that into our lives." They do. It's pleasant to know that they are just that awesome.
I know most people who are Trans* don't get to have that privilege, and that makes me very sad to know that I was given such a wonderful life. I hate it because I want to be able to connect to everyone and know what that is like, ya know? I love those people to death and would give my life to do anything for them, because they really are the unsung heroes of this Genderation. So, I want them to know that! I want them to know that even though they are having a horrible time with family or friends that I love them. I am here for them. I am fighting daily to ensure that they are having a life worth leading. Folks, it takes time but before I die we are going to finally have a place in this world. I ensure and promise this!
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Rules of Being a Heartbreaker
Remember when I mentioned we would dive deeper into my ideal state of dating? Well, I think this is that blog! Only because I actually have become romantically involved with someone on a grander scale than I am use too and I wanted you; my readers to understand how I go about dating. When, in this world the majority of folks are Monogamous. Which, is something I am not because of my experiences have led me to understand things differently than most. That's not saying I am right and those people are wrong or vice versa. I am just stating that my life experiences validate who I am and how I go about my life.
Let us elaborate on Monogamy for a moment. Monogamy is the belief that when you date someone you and that person are exclusive or only date each other. I've been in many a Monogamous relationship and after feeling I was not fulfilled I decided that it wasn't my cup of tea. People who can be Monogamous, I adore you because that makes you feel complete. I at least hope it does. Many folks force themselves into Monogamous relationships for many reasons. Which, if you have to do that to be who you are. By all means; Get it!
Now, we have my belief system. Which recently was brought to light by just the society about me as well as the community I am part of. I like to think that the idea of an open relationship makes perfect sense for many reasons: 1) By human nature, we are not monogamous creatures. Our primal instinct to mate and reproduce is just a key element in our life. It's built into our Genetics. Some of us though do not have this instinct and live fruitful lives. Which our A-sexual friends seem to make great strides without this. Myself, I must have the genetics you didn't get. My sexual drive is higher than most! I like it that way! 2) Monogamous relationships are highly encouraged in religious sects. I cannot agree with this, because it's an organized religion forcing those who follow it's beliefs to mainstream Monogamy and even great make it between "Man" and "Woman". We all know this to be bullshit. As people can marry who they want and fuck who they like.
Ideally an open relationship serves two purposes to myself. It is built to mean that in a relationship if I feel sexually unfulfilled by my partner (which is not their fault at all). I can go seek fulfillment with another sexual partner and come back to them. It's to make sure that I do not become stale with just a single person. It's a "safety net" for both of us. Let's say I have a kink that my partner does not like to indulge in. Not their fault, they just have different sexual preference in which I respect. I just really want to indulge my kink. This means I can do that, and my partner will be okay with it. I would encourage the same thing if they had a kink I was not into. Which, can be the case as well. An open relationship also means that I can seek companionship from another if I do not feel my partner is progressing the way I want a relationship to move. It's a good way to gauge what different people have to offer and who would be best to asset your needs when needed. That way I can leave a relationship with someone and know that they are going to be okay with it because it was open and these are reasons an open relationship exist. I don't feel I could be "Married" to a person for my life. Just because the system of "Marriage" is a system of ownership and oppression to my Female bodied persons. Which is not okay with me. I would though love a "Lifetime Companion" just because to be able to say I can be with someone for my entire life and they are not bound to me through systems of oppression. That's amazing. It's a joint relationship built on trust, love, and growth. Nothing forced.
These are reasons why I ideally would like an "Open Relationship with a Lifetime Companion". That would be the greatest thing. I'm honestly happy I can say I can be happy in a relationship with a person and they can as well. We can have sex with different partners but also have sex with each other in a way that means we are sexual fulfilled. Doesn't that just sound grand?
I do want it understood that I do not mean I would be saying "I want to go out and shag everyone". I would not do that with a partner. Most cases I am sexual fulfilled with my partner and this is just a safety net to ensure that if we become dysfunctional in bed. I can fix that dysfunction and still be with my partner. Sexual preferences are different per person. Thus, the idea of being able to meet someone's sexual needs is an expectation I should never place on someone for it should not be placed on myself. If I do indulge in sexual acts with different persons though, I practice safe sex and do get myself tested regularly just because it's proper to do. It's good to be sexual fun, but safe sex is something I want to stress because of what it means. It means you are safe as well as others.
~ Tegan
Let us elaborate on Monogamy for a moment. Monogamy is the belief that when you date someone you and that person are exclusive or only date each other. I've been in many a Monogamous relationship and after feeling I was not fulfilled I decided that it wasn't my cup of tea. People who can be Monogamous, I adore you because that makes you feel complete. I at least hope it does. Many folks force themselves into Monogamous relationships for many reasons. Which, if you have to do that to be who you are. By all means; Get it!
Now, we have my belief system. Which recently was brought to light by just the society about me as well as the community I am part of. I like to think that the idea of an open relationship makes perfect sense for many reasons: 1) By human nature, we are not monogamous creatures. Our primal instinct to mate and reproduce is just a key element in our life. It's built into our Genetics. Some of us though do not have this instinct and live fruitful lives. Which our A-sexual friends seem to make great strides without this. Myself, I must have the genetics you didn't get. My sexual drive is higher than most! I like it that way! 2) Monogamous relationships are highly encouraged in religious sects. I cannot agree with this, because it's an organized religion forcing those who follow it's beliefs to mainstream Monogamy and even great make it between "Man" and "Woman". We all know this to be bullshit. As people can marry who they want and fuck who they like.
Ideally an open relationship serves two purposes to myself. It is built to mean that in a relationship if I feel sexually unfulfilled by my partner (which is not their fault at all). I can go seek fulfillment with another sexual partner and come back to them. It's to make sure that I do not become stale with just a single person. It's a "safety net" for both of us. Let's say I have a kink that my partner does not like to indulge in. Not their fault, they just have different sexual preference in which I respect. I just really want to indulge my kink. This means I can do that, and my partner will be okay with it. I would encourage the same thing if they had a kink I was not into. Which, can be the case as well. An open relationship also means that I can seek companionship from another if I do not feel my partner is progressing the way I want a relationship to move. It's a good way to gauge what different people have to offer and who would be best to asset your needs when needed. That way I can leave a relationship with someone and know that they are going to be okay with it because it was open and these are reasons an open relationship exist. I don't feel I could be "Married" to a person for my life. Just because the system of "Marriage" is a system of ownership and oppression to my Female bodied persons. Which is not okay with me. I would though love a "Lifetime Companion" just because to be able to say I can be with someone for my entire life and they are not bound to me through systems of oppression. That's amazing. It's a joint relationship built on trust, love, and growth. Nothing forced.
These are reasons why I ideally would like an "Open Relationship with a Lifetime Companion". That would be the greatest thing. I'm honestly happy I can say I can be happy in a relationship with a person and they can as well. We can have sex with different partners but also have sex with each other in a way that means we are sexual fulfilled. Doesn't that just sound grand?
I do want it understood that I do not mean I would be saying "I want to go out and shag everyone". I would not do that with a partner. Most cases I am sexual fulfilled with my partner and this is just a safety net to ensure that if we become dysfunctional in bed. I can fix that dysfunction and still be with my partner. Sexual preferences are different per person. Thus, the idea of being able to meet someone's sexual needs is an expectation I should never place on someone for it should not be placed on myself. If I do indulge in sexual acts with different persons though, I practice safe sex and do get myself tested regularly just because it's proper to do. It's good to be sexual fun, but safe sex is something I want to stress because of what it means. It means you are safe as well as others.
~ Tegan
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Election Night from a Queer Agenda
America integrity is something I am proud to say moves forward and builds more and more. My country; this United States of America is something to be had. I have seen on what was November 6th, 2012 the most liberal election in American History. You may be asking what I mean. If you where not watching the elections or ill informed. Sit down, I'm going to give you the jist of it all.
November 6th, 2012 was just not another win in the book of Obama. Oh no! First off, let's talk about the first major win of the night. Tammy Baldwin was elected as the first openly gay Senate seat holder in American history. Tammy Baldwin of course is a Democrat. Which, by all means is surely not surprising. What I love most about this is two things. First off, I saw more woman win seats in both the House of Representatives and the Senate for the first time in history. Surely something that is great. Woman are finally standing up and making sure that they too are having their voices heard. Which being the Feminist I am. I love to see it. Empowering and enduring are these woman on human condition! Now, the fun part: she is openly gay and even that could not hinder her election spirit. She ran a good wholesome campaign might I add. She was really on top of it. It showed and that is what is the greatest thing I have seen.
Another grand thing to happen was that Hawaii elected the first female Asian-American to the Senate. Mazie Hirono was elected and the first Disabled American Female Veteran also to the elected to the House of Representatives! What an historic night for Woman Civil Movement!
Another grand thing to happen was that Hawaii elected the first female Asian-American to the Senate. Mazie Hirono was elected and the first Disabled American Female Veteran also to the elected to the House of Representatives! What an historic night for Woman Civil Movement!
What else happened? Well, let's talk about how both Missouri and Massachusetts had representatives win Senate seats. Which was great because they where pivotal states that democrats needed to win to gain a Major Senate Majority. So, yes. The democratic party again holds Senate house Majority. We have not held that for two years now.
Another grand thing that happened! All four states that had same-sex marriage on the ballots did in fact pass in all states. Elaborating on that we now have four more states (Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington State) have passed. A historic shifting of power in open mindedness in these states as well as the first time that Gay Marriage was voted on at the ballot box. Majority of cases like these go through our judicial system. We have options in these United States!
Now something I completely support: Marijuana was voted on for legal sales in the United States. Two states Washington State and Colorado voted on passing bills that made the sale and use of Recreational Marijuana use... legal! With the taxation of this product we will see a bigger income in these states that already do fairly well with revenue in those states. I applaud this change and hope that this now makes this alternative lifestyle something that will be less hindered and more accepted in the future. This gives me hope!
Finally, we have what was the highlight of the night. That single thing we can thank the state of Ohio for. That would be the re-election of our 44th President Barack Obama. Who gave a really great speech about the growth of American infrastructure as well as American independence from outside countries. In all honesty, I would love to see an America that was the 1920s America. A rich fulfilling time filled with growth and independence as well. We where a country that was not dependent on any imports because everything was American made and great in that it was just that. That's a time I would like to see our Economy grow into. Not our 1980s Reaganomics The growth there was greed and it later built what was known as the American Recession. That's why Actors shouldn't build Economic policies. Just saying in my opinion.
An America I love is one that takes care of it's people. One that let's those who love those they deem fit to love and make sure that everyone has a job. One that makes sure that our poor aren't needy or homeless. One that ensures that no gender boundary is a reason to halt ones growth. I hope now that we can let Gay Marriage prosper that maybe, just maybe people like myself. Those who break the binary are allowed to be amazing folks in our "Genderation". I want to see that growth to flourish and allow me to have a Job to support myself and a education because I want one. One that will not tell me that since I cannot determine my Gender, I must suffer. I want to live and be human. Maybe just maybe. I'll see it happen. This America is far in the future. Luckily, I'm going to be able to see it in my life time. I just feel it in my bones.
So, revel in the fact that Obama is our President for four more years. Openly Gay Senators are all the rage and Marijuana can be bought and used for fun in states. Revel in the fact that in four states Gay Marriage is winning wars and building families. Revel in the fact that we are changing and growing. Revel in the ability to live. Be who you wish to be.
~ Tegan Rowan Stryker
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