Passing Glances in the turnstile
Always giving way to perplexed feelings
Just like oranges; peeling
Longing for the worthwhile
Smiles and cheers abound
Walking the better of years
Always met with jeers
Capturing a frown
Paintings of a scarier time
Laughing for the smiles
Running for the styles
Boasting it isn't worth a dime
Aftermath of the century
The angels mark their way
Masking the simple cays
Leaving it for the normality
Bounds of the softer
Languished for the battle
We shiver as we tattle
Lie like a Pauper
Casting Shadows
We play games with children
Surely left, we cause villains
Walks to the gallows
Gasping words
Holding hands among the stars
Gathering we hold all our cards
Needless to say we forge herds
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Painted Pretty Turnstiles
The most interesting point that I can absolutely come to terms with this is; what makes you different from the rest? I've been thinking long and hard about a few things these past two days and the single way I can sum it all up is "I feel like I have been walking around." I want to really understand why I feel this way, but I cannot sum it up. It's just a feeling with no connections or ties to anything in the room or place.
I want to be a better person is what I guess really is on my mind. Yeah, I know I have a great deal of amazing things in my life. They continue to make my life seem higher and more of something I have been looking for. I'm on a journey. The journey gets stale some times. I want to do great things; I want to be a person who makes the most of every day and yet. It's not feeling up to my par the past two days.
I don't understand up to 90% of anything I really do. I just have a feeling in my gut and I do what I feel is the right thing to do. In my mind, it's like a constant bombardment of everything and anything you could possibly imagine. I've actually understand at least of 1/16 of the things in there. It's constantly thoughts and maybe I am just too intelligent for myself. I think that sometimes my head is going to just explode and other times. Other times I just feel like it's pretty scary some of the things I think of. Not in the sense they are scary, but the sense of how radical every idea comes to be.
If my brain could be summed up to anything it's really like I have two super huge robots that are dressed to the nines in a battle for supremacy of my mind. The only things that make sense to me in there, those are the factual things I can validate. I think that many things in my mind just sit and wait for me to come upon them. It's like this never ending hallway with an overly abundant amount of doors. Each door just sits there and continues to be unlocked but unopened. It's really hard to put into words what some doors have behind them. Some are pretty harmless and give me a chance to be validated. Other doors, they hold these foreign objects, some in which are vases and pictures that make up stories and experiences. Other objects are so abstract and unimaginable. Just large bulbous matter floating in grey space. Make no sense but just stay, coaxing me to indulge in them.
I want to be a better person is what I guess really is on my mind. Yeah, I know I have a great deal of amazing things in my life. They continue to make my life seem higher and more of something I have been looking for. I'm on a journey. The journey gets stale some times. I want to do great things; I want to be a person who makes the most of every day and yet. It's not feeling up to my par the past two days.
I don't understand up to 90% of anything I really do. I just have a feeling in my gut and I do what I feel is the right thing to do. In my mind, it's like a constant bombardment of everything and anything you could possibly imagine. I've actually understand at least of 1/16 of the things in there. It's constantly thoughts and maybe I am just too intelligent for myself. I think that sometimes my head is going to just explode and other times. Other times I just feel like it's pretty scary some of the things I think of. Not in the sense they are scary, but the sense of how radical every idea comes to be.
If my brain could be summed up to anything it's really like I have two super huge robots that are dressed to the nines in a battle for supremacy of my mind. The only things that make sense to me in there, those are the factual things I can validate. I think that many things in my mind just sit and wait for me to come upon them. It's like this never ending hallway with an overly abundant amount of doors. Each door just sits there and continues to be unlocked but unopened. It's really hard to put into words what some doors have behind them. Some are pretty harmless and give me a chance to be validated. Other doors, they hold these foreign objects, some in which are vases and pictures that make up stories and experiences. Other objects are so abstract and unimaginable. Just large bulbous matter floating in grey space. Make no sense but just stay, coaxing me to indulge in them.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
A Good Ole' Fashion Gender-Fucking
Something I am very proud of, and I hold dear to. What is it? It's the single fact that I can obtain the ideal state of understand of Gender as I do, as well as understand the repercussions of my actions as a "Gentlelady" in this world. I love the fact that people constantly shake their heads at me. Why? It's because I can absolutely make people think about Gender. Not their own gender but universally the gender of the world and the people of it. I touch a grand deal of lives, and those I touch never seem to leave my presence feeling that Gender is Singular. Gender is universal and gender is varies.. It's a grand idea that I think we all must reflect on.
One thing I really like is when I am in public, dressed as a female and I find myself being "Sir'd" or "Dude" or "He'd". Yet, it does not bug me. It does two things. I'm probably fucking up someones gender constructs because let's be honest. If you sir me, and I look as good as I do. I'M GORGEOUS. You obviously now look like an arseface. So, you obvious have been genderfucked and look ignorant. That's on you. I'm just over here "Living as Free as My Hair" and enjoying my life to the fullest! Which, no harm in that. I find that people need to understand that people have the choice of gender and the choice of identity. Which, it can be anything you deem fit for yourself. "Gentlelady" works for me, but to others it seems... distant. Which is not their fault. Everyone has the ability to be themselves. Which is grandiose. I encourage everyone to be themselves. It's perfection!
I live daily as a person who jumps from gender to gender. I don't know how most folks deal with me, because I am literally all over the spectrum. I know this, and it makes me so happy because my friends are that constant reinforcement I need. One of my roommates dubbed me "Ma'am-sir" which honestly made me happier than I have felt in ages. I was also told by this same roommate that I am a "Really feminine Gay Male" or a "Very butch Lesbian". Which is like fucking gender and fucking sex at the same time. I am again all over the place! This securely makes me happier to be the person I am, validation is a giant thing for people like myself. We are rare and we sometimes get lost along our ways because... THERE EXIST SO MANY WAYS for us to travel. We have to continue to re-approach and reevaluate ourselves. Just to be able to make the correct moves.
Honestly, I just get up and go "Today, let's go!" and do what just feels natural. It's kinda cool as fuck to be honest. I just do me, and it falls in place. I kinda just don't care to be honest. Just do what I want. People ask me how I deal with the constant state of "fluid" and I just think about it and go "fluid". I don't think I am fluid, I just flow around. It's a big blender of gender and it's me. That's that!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Black Ties at a White Wedding
Several times in a humans life, they come to a point where they realise that they are truly come up from going down. That moment is right now, thus is why you are reading these exact words at this exact moment. I wanted to tell you that I am doing better. So much better. It's worrisome to be in a bad place, but when you come up. You realise later in life, you came up. It's been a month and a half since I got a job, and since then my paychecks have been showing my hard work. It's nice to know that it's working out.
I've since given up on the Activism scene in Cincinnati, because it's a dead horse that people seem to continue to beat. I've seen no advancement in the field since I walked in, and the people who hold their power positions, continue to hold them (each with an idea that they are the right one for the job, and they have the cure for the cause and the cause for the cure). What they fail to understand that it takes a single person to knock them down a few pegs. Even if this person knows the secrets she's been set to keep and plays the cards she wants. Notice their are reasons of why I sent out the email, and the cards I gave you to play. They are the ones I know you will play. You played the correct card as well, though they all lead to this. It's a matter of time before my next move and I will liberate this scene before I leave.
It will become the one thing I wish for it to be. Peer led. These folks you wish to help, they will be sure to take care of themselves, because not every dog has it's day, but they all get to feed. You speak of one thing, but lead a with other intent. The gentlelady way, is to be sure of the things you speak of, and what you do. I'm underestimated, which plays to my advantage.
I'm back, and the game is just beginning. Rather you get your ducks in a row, and understand they swim one way. Tegan Rowan Stryker is surely to turn the tables of all this, and provide many truths to the lies spread.
On a final note: Those red equal signs all over facebook are rather rubbish in my eyes. You all follow a cynical non-profit for profit group who stands for the LGB rights. The T with them is always silent. The HRC is the one I speak of. This group at the rally this past week at the Supreme Court stated that the "Trans* Flag must be taken down." How dare you fight for the "Equality of all" and yet, you hush us who do not fit your agenda. You the HRC are a horrible being with horrible ideals for the modern age. You help who needs help and after you have given all you can to them. You will abandon them for another cause you deem worthy of your money. Isn't this why you are starting to move into the Schools? Pushing GLSEN aside because you have the power to provide more. GLSEN easily moves aside and is awaiting your move. HRC, you are HoRseCrap!
Tegan Rowan Stryker
I've since given up on the Activism scene in Cincinnati, because it's a dead horse that people seem to continue to beat. I've seen no advancement in the field since I walked in, and the people who hold their power positions, continue to hold them (each with an idea that they are the right one for the job, and they have the cure for the cause and the cause for the cure). What they fail to understand that it takes a single person to knock them down a few pegs. Even if this person knows the secrets she's been set to keep and plays the cards she wants. Notice their are reasons of why I sent out the email, and the cards I gave you to play. They are the ones I know you will play. You played the correct card as well, though they all lead to this. It's a matter of time before my next move and I will liberate this scene before I leave.
It will become the one thing I wish for it to be. Peer led. These folks you wish to help, they will be sure to take care of themselves, because not every dog has it's day, but they all get to feed. You speak of one thing, but lead a with other intent. The gentlelady way, is to be sure of the things you speak of, and what you do. I'm underestimated, which plays to my advantage.
I'm back, and the game is just beginning. Rather you get your ducks in a row, and understand they swim one way. Tegan Rowan Stryker is surely to turn the tables of all this, and provide many truths to the lies spread.
On a final note: Those red equal signs all over facebook are rather rubbish in my eyes. You all follow a cynical non-profit for profit group who stands for the LGB rights. The T with them is always silent. The HRC is the one I speak of. This group at the rally this past week at the Supreme Court stated that the "Trans* Flag must be taken down." How dare you fight for the "Equality of all" and yet, you hush us who do not fit your agenda. You the HRC are a horrible being with horrible ideals for the modern age. You help who needs help and after you have given all you can to them. You will abandon them for another cause you deem worthy of your money. Isn't this why you are starting to move into the Schools? Pushing GLSEN aside because you have the power to provide more. GLSEN easily moves aside and is awaiting your move. HRC, you are HoRseCrap!
Tegan Rowan Stryker
Saturday, March 16, 2013
My Kinds Your Kind.
Dear Reader,
I am glad that at this moment in time I can share this blog with and that you are reading it. To be honest, over a month and a half ago. I'd never have thought I would be writing this again. Things where pretty low and frankly I did not know where to turn. Luckily, things are looking up; way up for myself. I was terrified and scared for my well being.
A grand deal has happened in that time period. I was able to produce for myself a job (that pays very well) AND as well as I was able to find a new place to live. I live with some of my best friends I would say I have ever had in my life. If not for them, I would not have been here at this moment. It's been scary, and they have made those demons go away. Or at least helped me fight them off.
In February, February Eight to be exact is the day I started Hormones for Hormone Replacement Therapy. This means that I now have had for over a month, had Estrogen in my system. I have noticed changes, these changes being more drastic than most Trans* individuals and I believe the reason to be the fact that I am Inter-sex. Which has proven to be an interesting turn of events for my General Practitioner and myself. I have noticed a reduce growth of my body hair; I shave about every other day now for my facial area. My body fat has been moving (I have noticed that I now have a butt to sit on, as well as my breast area has thinned out). My nipples have started to grow, and they are harder than ever. Which, has proven to be very, very fun to touch.
My body has been drying out a ton and I have had to moisturise like crazy, which I have found to be a daily ritual for myself. As well as scratching myself as become a more sensational event for my body! Which for heavens sake I wish I had someone to actually just scratch my body. I did lose my sex drive, but I have found in the past week it has been returning with a different sense of amazingness. I cannot describe in words how much more intense and sensual an orgasm is now. My friend describes our new sex drive as "It's like you get a big cookie every once in a while, instead of little ones every so often." Which, I can attest to it's truth!
That's the interesting things of my body. Just been a roller coaster of fun! Though, if we want to be serious. Every so often I can be found crying. Just because I want to cry. No real reason to be crying. It just happens. I cannot control it nor do I think I want to. I just think it's all the years I didn't/couldn't cry. My body, just takes all the pent up crying and waterfalls it out into the ether. It's not bad nor is it good. It just is.
With that said, I leave you with a little bit more of inspiration. If you ever think you are at the bottom, that is when you will rise to the top. It took a month and a half, happily I am back to the top of my game! I hope that if you ever feel in doubt. You can realise your potential. That is what you need!
As Free as Your Hair,
Tegan Rowan Stryker
I am glad that at this moment in time I can share this blog with and that you are reading it. To be honest, over a month and a half ago. I'd never have thought I would be writing this again. Things where pretty low and frankly I did not know where to turn. Luckily, things are looking up; way up for myself. I was terrified and scared for my well being.
A grand deal has happened in that time period. I was able to produce for myself a job (that pays very well) AND as well as I was able to find a new place to live. I live with some of my best friends I would say I have ever had in my life. If not for them, I would not have been here at this moment. It's been scary, and they have made those demons go away. Or at least helped me fight them off.
In February, February Eight to be exact is the day I started Hormones for Hormone Replacement Therapy. This means that I now have had for over a month, had Estrogen in my system. I have noticed changes, these changes being more drastic than most Trans* individuals and I believe the reason to be the fact that I am Inter-sex. Which has proven to be an interesting turn of events for my General Practitioner and myself. I have noticed a reduce growth of my body hair; I shave about every other day now for my facial area. My body fat has been moving (I have noticed that I now have a butt to sit on, as well as my breast area has thinned out). My nipples have started to grow, and they are harder than ever. Which, has proven to be very, very fun to touch.
My body has been drying out a ton and I have had to moisturise like crazy, which I have found to be a daily ritual for myself. As well as scratching myself as become a more sensational event for my body! Which for heavens sake I wish I had someone to actually just scratch my body. I did lose my sex drive, but I have found in the past week it has been returning with a different sense of amazingness. I cannot describe in words how much more intense and sensual an orgasm is now. My friend describes our new sex drive as "It's like you get a big cookie every once in a while, instead of little ones every so often." Which, I can attest to it's truth!
That's the interesting things of my body. Just been a roller coaster of fun! Though, if we want to be serious. Every so often I can be found crying. Just because I want to cry. No real reason to be crying. It just happens. I cannot control it nor do I think I want to. I just think it's all the years I didn't/couldn't cry. My body, just takes all the pent up crying and waterfalls it out into the ether. It's not bad nor is it good. It just is.
With that said, I leave you with a little bit more of inspiration. If you ever think you are at the bottom, that is when you will rise to the top. It took a month and a half, happily I am back to the top of my game! I hope that if you ever feel in doubt. You can realise your potential. That is what you need!
As Free as Your Hair,
Tegan Rowan Stryker
Friday, January 25, 2013
Crime Wave to the Mind Wave.
Better now than never. In the past month I have been unpacking my mind in more than one way. Only because I am wanting to be more secure in my head space. It's not been the most easiest of times since I was let go from Chipotle. Why? Only because in the area I live in, it's honestly hard to find a job. I know you are thinking about Cincinnati and it being a Major U.S. City. That much is truth, only problem is we have a very high amount of folks who are jobless and on top of that, we have a rising number of Homeless in our city.
Being let go from Chipotle, because I was Trans* and my boss didn't want to tell me directly that was the reason was very upsetting. He treated me very much different than anyone else who worked there. He was continually short with me, never had a kind word for me (even though I was one of the best workers there at the time of my employment) and this was evident on paperwork. My job should have been secure because everyone loved me at the job. He was the single person who had the issue. When I tried to address it with him, he blatantly walked away from me. Didn't even address the issue. Of his own accord he decided to oppress me. So, even though I was only there for three months. I was a hard worker and dedicated myself to my job, but because I was Trans* I was fired. Only because I was told "People seem to have an issue with you." Which, continues to be a lie as I continue to hang out with my co-workers from Chipotle still to this day. For it again was him with the problem.
This was a daunting task to dread seeing your boss come in because the negative feeling he placed on me. When he wasn't there. I had a blast. He continually negates any remorse from his action. I was let go. That was it, just simple plain fact. I still feel horrified by this because I have never been fired and because I was Trans* it resulted in that (though I had worked as Trans* at several places before) yet, this one time my Trans* lifestyle superseded my work ethic and ability to maintain and be efficient.
I had only got my job at Chipotle because my best friend was working there and put a good word in for me. I had been looking for work since June. I didn't get this job until July... and on top of that started the day AFTER I buried my Great Aunt Thelma. Which was very hard. So, after that I started looking for work again... and to my persistence.... had no luck. I continue to be jobless because I cannot find work. Not that I don't try. I put tons of applications in, call employers, and yet I cannot even get an interview and that is daunting to think about. What about me on paper looks bad? I mean I am a published Quantum Physics Hobbyist! I developed "Neutrino Charge Existence"! YEP! That was me!
I achieve highly and I am happy about that, but I am kinda in the left wing going "WELLLLLL WHY?" I know I worked at Chipotle only because I am still a college student. Finding a job to support my theory won't be thought of until the testing of the Theory in 2016 by CERN Labs. So, it's a pickle, but I will survive. Though, Super Large Hadron Collider is going to be... BEAUTIFUL!
So, yes. Bills have been super tight and sex work that I have been under taking to make ends meet has be sparse. It's a low-high business. Seasonal work at best. My family was helping me out, but they kinda dropped the ball and decided to let it lay. So, I am swamped with bills to the point that I cannot pay them and I have lost my childhood home because of it. Which, is even more upsetting. To be honest, regardless of how much I do hate that house. I will miss it only because growing up. That was a place I knew as home and a place I knew if I was having trouble I could return to and be safe. It's upsetting to know it's going to be gone in a short time.
With everything going stray and myself not being able to really control the lack of money, the piles of bills, and the lack of food because the government only wants to give me 34 dollars a month for food. I cannot collect unemployment because I haven't paid enough into it, though I have been working since I was 18 and provided for myself and paid my dues. I cannot get away. I mean, I was working full time too. I helped pay for my college and now... when I need help my government kinda says "Do you have kids? No? Well then, this system will not provide for you. Should have knocked up a person in your teens. You'd be able to mooch off the system forever." Though, I am trying to use the system for the pure intent. Which is help while you look for a job, which is oddly funny it doesn't exist anymore as that.
With all this getting to me, I've been in a mental state that I haven't been in since I was 15. Having the thoughts I was having was very discerning because I promised someone I would never do such a thing because He'd want it that way. Even though, knowing I was going to be free from my problems and finally able to rest. I was not going to do it, because I keep my promises.
Luckily, I have really good friends who have taken me in as of late because of the things going stray. They are giving me food, shelter, and internet to help me find a job. The things I was highly lacking... In a crazy silly mixed up world. I'm going to be okay. I've been getting and feeling better for the past week. I've made a few head ways but it still daunts me. I'm worried I will drown, but I gotta keep pushing forward. I'm Tegan Rowan Stryker and for that... the world hasn't seen this shooting star shine yet.
Being let go from Chipotle, because I was Trans* and my boss didn't want to tell me directly that was the reason was very upsetting. He treated me very much different than anyone else who worked there. He was continually short with me, never had a kind word for me (even though I was one of the best workers there at the time of my employment) and this was evident on paperwork. My job should have been secure because everyone loved me at the job. He was the single person who had the issue. When I tried to address it with him, he blatantly walked away from me. Didn't even address the issue. Of his own accord he decided to oppress me. So, even though I was only there for three months. I was a hard worker and dedicated myself to my job, but because I was Trans* I was fired. Only because I was told "People seem to have an issue with you." Which, continues to be a lie as I continue to hang out with my co-workers from Chipotle still to this day. For it again was him with the problem.
This was a daunting task to dread seeing your boss come in because the negative feeling he placed on me. When he wasn't there. I had a blast. He continually negates any remorse from his action. I was let go. That was it, just simple plain fact. I still feel horrified by this because I have never been fired and because I was Trans* it resulted in that (though I had worked as Trans* at several places before) yet, this one time my Trans* lifestyle superseded my work ethic and ability to maintain and be efficient.
I had only got my job at Chipotle because my best friend was working there and put a good word in for me. I had been looking for work since June. I didn't get this job until July... and on top of that started the day AFTER I buried my Great Aunt Thelma. Which was very hard. So, after that I started looking for work again... and to my persistence.... had no luck. I continue to be jobless because I cannot find work. Not that I don't try. I put tons of applications in, call employers, and yet I cannot even get an interview and that is daunting to think about. What about me on paper looks bad? I mean I am a published Quantum Physics Hobbyist! I developed "Neutrino Charge Existence"! YEP! That was me!
I achieve highly and I am happy about that, but I am kinda in the left wing going "WELLLLLL WHY?" I know I worked at Chipotle only because I am still a college student. Finding a job to support my theory won't be thought of until the testing of the Theory in 2016 by CERN Labs. So, it's a pickle, but I will survive. Though, Super Large Hadron Collider is going to be... BEAUTIFUL!
So, yes. Bills have been super tight and sex work that I have been under taking to make ends meet has be sparse. It's a low-high business. Seasonal work at best. My family was helping me out, but they kinda dropped the ball and decided to let it lay. So, I am swamped with bills to the point that I cannot pay them and I have lost my childhood home because of it. Which, is even more upsetting. To be honest, regardless of how much I do hate that house. I will miss it only because growing up. That was a place I knew as home and a place I knew if I was having trouble I could return to and be safe. It's upsetting to know it's going to be gone in a short time.
With everything going stray and myself not being able to really control the lack of money, the piles of bills, and the lack of food because the government only wants to give me 34 dollars a month for food. I cannot collect unemployment because I haven't paid enough into it, though I have been working since I was 18 and provided for myself and paid my dues. I cannot get away. I mean, I was working full time too. I helped pay for my college and now... when I need help my government kinda says "Do you have kids? No? Well then, this system will not provide for you. Should have knocked up a person in your teens. You'd be able to mooch off the system forever." Though, I am trying to use the system for the pure intent. Which is help while you look for a job, which is oddly funny it doesn't exist anymore as that.
With all this getting to me, I've been in a mental state that I haven't been in since I was 15. Having the thoughts I was having was very discerning because I promised someone I would never do such a thing because He'd want it that way. Even though, knowing I was going to be free from my problems and finally able to rest. I was not going to do it, because I keep my promises.
Luckily, I have really good friends who have taken me in as of late because of the things going stray. They are giving me food, shelter, and internet to help me find a job. The things I was highly lacking... In a crazy silly mixed up world. I'm going to be okay. I've been getting and feeling better for the past week. I've made a few head ways but it still daunts me. I'm worried I will drown, but I gotta keep pushing forward. I'm Tegan Rowan Stryker and for that... the world hasn't seen this shooting star shine yet.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Breaking Out
Sometimes, when I think folks are not watching me. I take a heavy breath, sigh, and look at the evening skyline cresting the buildings, slowly fading into the midnight heat of the glistening city walls. It's those moments right then, that I clench the necklace upon the chest and close my eyes. I close my eyes and imagine the shifting earth, heaving me up and dragging me off away from that space and moment in time. I hear the gentle winds flow past my ears like the see the wind. I see the wind from beyond me, pulling me into the void of which I wish to slumber in. That void, that place far off in the distance. The distance to great to reach it in this time, but in a later time.
I could reach to that void, touch it's surface with my fingertips. Those fingers would start a ripple that would scratch the surface of the celestial void that beckons to my eyes like the night sky upon the unyielding velvet moors and shires. In those fleeting moments that void ripples like a bubble that had be touched by the graceful winds, those same winds enveloping my mortal heart. That heart that continues to bellow out the fleeting sounds of life. Only to ponder upon themselves in which they themselves purge the intent of time of their yester-years.
That void close to my heart, but so far from reach I wallow in the pity of the men who have yet to begin to understand the plague of the wicked fathers that spewed bigoted talk of unyielding resentment in their eyes. Filled to the hallowed hollowed hearts that yearn of attention of their too longing testimonies. We yet strive to understand that fellow humans hunger and haunt these swamp lands of scourge and contempt. We yet have seen the engineer or the maker at hand. For our hearts, they too seem to battle our brains. In which we long for that escape. That void, in which we could caress in that we to will know the escape of our wilted limbs.
We hunger, yearn, and call out to the void. Our time nearer or farther than one could beset unto themselves. For our belief be in our own captive minds, that we too must break our shackles of launder goods, and become more of a free thinker than a captive mind in solitary belief.
I could reach to that void, touch it's surface with my fingertips. Those fingers would start a ripple that would scratch the surface of the celestial void that beckons to my eyes like the night sky upon the unyielding velvet moors and shires. In those fleeting moments that void ripples like a bubble that had be touched by the graceful winds, those same winds enveloping my mortal heart. That heart that continues to bellow out the fleeting sounds of life. Only to ponder upon themselves in which they themselves purge the intent of time of their yester-years.
That void close to my heart, but so far from reach I wallow in the pity of the men who have yet to begin to understand the plague of the wicked fathers that spewed bigoted talk of unyielding resentment in their eyes. Filled to the hallowed hollowed hearts that yearn of attention of their too longing testimonies. We yet strive to understand that fellow humans hunger and haunt these swamp lands of scourge and contempt. We yet have seen the engineer or the maker at hand. For our hearts, they too seem to battle our brains. In which we long for that escape. That void, in which we could caress in that we to will know the escape of our wilted limbs.
We hunger, yearn, and call out to the void. Our time nearer or farther than one could beset unto themselves. For our belief be in our own captive minds, that we too must break our shackles of launder goods, and become more of a free thinker than a captive mind in solitary belief.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Happy Holigays
Dear Reader,
Today is the day after New Years. I hope you had the most joyous of Holidays. Regardless of what your holidays consist of I hope it was filled with food, fun, and freedom. Something I feel we all need to be aware of. Ourselves. I wish that your New Years Resolution will be eventful, fun, and something unique to you. I want you to know that I wish you the best of New Years and the most interesting of years. 2012, from the stories I have heard and the post I have seen all over the place. It was a great year for so many folks. Something I was amazed to read and hear. I smiled brightly to know that I helped make some of those Christmases, Hanukkahs, and Kwanzaas great. I was glad to celebrate them with my friends as well.
Christmas is a holiday I celebrate (as does the majority of the world). I don't celebrate it for the religious background behind it, but I continue to celebrate it because the feeling the season gives me and because the feeling I get when I see my family. Growing up it was the single holiday where my families where not being mean to each other and actually came together to be decent to each other. It's the single time I felt "Family" and not bullshit filled with smiles. Which, was most the year with my family.
Growing up I use to always tell my family what I wanted for Christmas. I have friends who still do that, and I just cannot phantom why they do it? I mean, it's nice to know people want to make you happy by getting you what you want. I just really don't want for anything. I honestly have become my Grandmother. I literally yell at people when they spend money on me. There are better things to spend it on than myself, like bills! That's way more important than I. So, when I get something I normally go "Now why did you get me something? I told you I didn't want anything and I don't want for anything." I mean, I accept it because that is the proper thing to do, though I feel awkward doing such. I just want to be with people for the holidays, that's meant more to me now than anything.
My New Years Resolution is to "Find the Next Great Adventure". No matter where or what it is. I'm going to find that single thing in my life that will fuel me for years to come. Rather it be a person or a place. Even an project or community. It's going to be the next great thing I do with my life and I will find it this 2013! Which, is exciting to think about, but I just cannot stop going. I'm that little engine that could or a shooting star. I'm just a little shooting star! I'm happy to know that this will be a fun task to undertake and not like those others New Years Resolutions I have made over the years. This one shall be special.
I was happy to spend the holidays with my loved ones, and even more so to see my Mother. I haven't gotten to see her as much since she moved away and the holidays are the times I get to see her now. I'm sad about this, but she's happy. Which is all that matters. It was just nice that Thanksgiving and Christmas where so close to each other. I'll always love my Mum and that's not gonna change. I just wish I could see her more. Growing up means growing apart but growing together in other ways. We still talk, but I just don't know how I feel about this whole moving away thing. I hate it, but if the person is happy that's all that matters.
I'm also happy that this New Year has been filled with everything I would want so far. So, that's good to think about. It's been only two days long BUT it's grand to know that it hasn't sucked just yet. I hope you all have had that same experience and I also hope you all had the holigays you have wanted. That's what matters most this time of year, doing what you love with or without the folks you love. It's part of the feeling. You are included. Which is grand. I love you all and I wish you the best of New Years.
Tegan Rowan Stryker
Today is the day after New Years. I hope you had the most joyous of Holidays. Regardless of what your holidays consist of I hope it was filled with food, fun, and freedom. Something I feel we all need to be aware of. Ourselves. I wish that your New Years Resolution will be eventful, fun, and something unique to you. I want you to know that I wish you the best of New Years and the most interesting of years. 2012, from the stories I have heard and the post I have seen all over the place. It was a great year for so many folks. Something I was amazed to read and hear. I smiled brightly to know that I helped make some of those Christmases, Hanukkahs, and Kwanzaas great. I was glad to celebrate them with my friends as well.
Christmas is a holiday I celebrate (as does the majority of the world). I don't celebrate it for the religious background behind it, but I continue to celebrate it because the feeling the season gives me and because the feeling I get when I see my family. Growing up it was the single holiday where my families where not being mean to each other and actually came together to be decent to each other. It's the single time I felt "Family" and not bullshit filled with smiles. Which, was most the year with my family.
Growing up I use to always tell my family what I wanted for Christmas. I have friends who still do that, and I just cannot phantom why they do it? I mean, it's nice to know people want to make you happy by getting you what you want. I just really don't want for anything. I honestly have become my Grandmother. I literally yell at people when they spend money on me. There are better things to spend it on than myself, like bills! That's way more important than I. So, when I get something I normally go "Now why did you get me something? I told you I didn't want anything and I don't want for anything." I mean, I accept it because that is the proper thing to do, though I feel awkward doing such. I just want to be with people for the holidays, that's meant more to me now than anything.
My New Years Resolution is to "Find the Next Great Adventure". No matter where or what it is. I'm going to find that single thing in my life that will fuel me for years to come. Rather it be a person or a place. Even an project or community. It's going to be the next great thing I do with my life and I will find it this 2013! Which, is exciting to think about, but I just cannot stop going. I'm that little engine that could or a shooting star. I'm just a little shooting star! I'm happy to know that this will be a fun task to undertake and not like those others New Years Resolutions I have made over the years. This one shall be special.
I was happy to spend the holidays with my loved ones, and even more so to see my Mother. I haven't gotten to see her as much since she moved away and the holidays are the times I get to see her now. I'm sad about this, but she's happy. Which is all that matters. It was just nice that Thanksgiving and Christmas where so close to each other. I'll always love my Mum and that's not gonna change. I just wish I could see her more. Growing up means growing apart but growing together in other ways. We still talk, but I just don't know how I feel about this whole moving away thing. I hate it, but if the person is happy that's all that matters.
I'm also happy that this New Year has been filled with everything I would want so far. So, that's good to think about. It's been only two days long BUT it's grand to know that it hasn't sucked just yet. I hope you all have had that same experience and I also hope you all had the holigays you have wanted. That's what matters most this time of year, doing what you love with or without the folks you love. It's part of the feeling. You are included. Which is grand. I love you all and I wish you the best of New Years.
Tegan Rowan Stryker
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