"Goin' Round this Roundabout."

An another day come and gone.  I'm reflecting on all the things my life consist of and how much better they get daily. I currently have two people in my life that if I did not have; I really don't know what I would have done two months ago.  Having them in my life is just made everything so much better on so many levels.  I can genuinely say I love them to death because of what they have done for me.  My main concern at the moment is that I think I am getting close to them.  I'm very very scared of getting close to them.  We have grown so close in the past three months but I don't want them to get close to me and then leave like everyone else does. 

    They are amazing people, that's something I hope to not lose in my life.  If not for them, I'd never have gotten through hard times.  I'm just scared that they are going to get close to me, realise what I monster I once was and be scared off.  I'm not that person anymore, but my past still is one of my greatest fallacies.  I'm not one to dwell on the past but when it catches up to me; I'm usually the one who pays for the things I did.  I haven't ran from it in the longest time, and I think the closet is having less and less skeletons in it. 

    I just want to be known for whom I am know and not who I was when I was younger.  I've made waves and atoned for the things in my past.  Luckily, I believe these people think more of me because I am willing to admit my past is what it once was.  I use to be a heavy cocaine user from the age of 14-16; roughly about 3 years.  If it wasn't for someone dear I wouldn't have gotten better.  It's thoughts like that; that scare me because of who I once was.  I did horrible things for drugs, to get that fix.  Yet, I battled and bested the demon.  Why do I feel I have to keep hiding from it? 

     It's moments that I really miss "My Favourite Ghost".  I haven't talked to him in a positive tone in about three months.  I miss him dearly, and I am sorry about the mess we have become.  Sometimes, things just cannot be fixed.  I'm going to stop beating this horse.  It's because of him, that becoming close to someone now, just seems like a waste of time.  I'm not one to have enemies, and I never thought he would be one.  Honestly, I love him.  I want him to know that.