Turn-Tables.

"As we emerge from the Muck and the Mire; We're gonna set their champagne god on fire." - Say Anything.

I really don't know how to start this one. Personally, I've been a person in a world lately that is just POSITIVE.  So, positive that it's complimenting my lifestyle in the best of trends.  Except for this single day a year where I just get so down and depressed.  It's odd to think that a single date can hold so much pain for a single person ya know?  So, not many people know the story of Jimmy and I actually.  I think I would like to share it with you.

  So, where do I actually begin to be honest.  Oh! I guess we'll go from the moment we actually met eyes.  I remember the day very well.  It was a humid June day in 2005. Jimmy Kawazowa was just then this little 22 year old boy sitting on the floor reading his favourite Manga (Yubasaki Milk Tea) in the Manga section of Barnes and Nobles on the Levee in Newport.  His dusty brown hair was all you saw as he sat on the ground in the aisle.  I remember this day more so for what happened next.  I decided that I would wear my amazing hi-top Chuck Taylors (Note: when I was younger I could never get them to stay tied; so the strings usually became just strings dragging along the ground in accompaniment to my foot steps.)  Which, is why what happened next... happened.  Basically, while walking through the aisle I stepped on my opposite foots strings, went to take a step, and blam.... feel right on top of Jimmy.  Yeah, I'm a walking klutz.  Falling right on top of him (and I was heavier when I was younger too).  I rushed to my knees and start spouting out "I'm sooooo sorry. Very sorry! Please, are you okay?" and in that single second Jimmy grabbed my t-shirt and pulled me close.  Slamming our lips together and then pulling away he spoke for the first time to me. His soft voice sang out "You come on strong don't cha?" and I just start failing my arms "Oh my... no no no! Not what I was trying to do! I'm so sorry!" and then he started to chuckle at me..  I finally get out "What is so funny?"; my single thought was "Why did a complete stranger kiss me?"  He patted me on the head and giggled and finally escaped the words from his lips "Your face is absolutely the most adorable thing when you are taken by surprised." and I know I was as red as a rose from his words.  He then stood up and reached out his hand and helped me to my feet and said "Why don't we go get something to eat? My treat!" and I still in shock just nodded my head.  He took me to eat Mitchel's Fish Market that day.  I remember that I had the best Rainbow Trout in my life.  Pristine.

I found that spending time with him would be getting addictive from that day; I would not leave his side for months. From him I would stay to the path and not stray a bit. Jimmy kept me in checks and balances within his ever soft and loving grip.  I was tangle in a web and he made sure I was comfortable there.  I was in a whirlwind in which I was hoping to go under the tide that came with it.  I remember our first date like it was yesterday, his smile sent shivers down my spine that night when he opened to car door of his Blue/Grey shimmer painted Buick Skylark and helped me get in. I was grinning from ear to ear because no boy had done this for me. It was very much liked; it would be from this that my high expectations would probably never be met again. He took me to a nice dinner and a movie that night.  My ideal date…he asked me what it would be and I replied happily            “May we go to dinner and a movie?” He giggled at my innocence and gave his answer as            “Your wish is my command, my dear!” I very much enjoyed the night. Our dinner was at this nice place called “Mitchell’s Fish Market”; it was close to our homes and was very widely known of the great seafood dishes it made.  I was all dolled up for my date; this would be the first date I would go out as a female. I felt so free and right.  I would never forget the compliment I got when I walked out the front door and Jimmy smiled at me, whistled and spoke            “Wow, babe, you look fabulous, I am happy to say that I am taking you out to show off.”  I blushing bright red; I know it.  See, you’re probably thinking about when Jimmy learned about me and my ordeal with Gender Identity. Well to be honest, when we went out for dinner our first time before we were “Official” I told him I had feelings that I was not in the right body. He strongly urged me to go for what I felt comfortable and he would support me in that. He did not care if I was boy or girl, as long as he could have me. That ladies and gentlemen would be the most unsung song on my teen years.  For the first time in my life, I was happy.  Cause the thought of him made me skip around and sings songs.            The night ending in what I would call the fieriest, passionate, and most arousing sex I had ever partaken in.  The feeling of my dress hiked up and Jimmy’s flesh on top of mine, his pelvis thrusting into mine in a symphony among symphonies.  His dress shirt clutched in my hands, my back hiking up more and more, and the moans escaping my mouth. The sweat from our skin lathered upon the back seat and steam from our conjoined efforts made the outside seem foggier than normal.  In and out of my body making me lust for me.  I wanted his all, he gave it to me.  We had become one, and with that night, we fell in love.  I gave him my all and I was fulfilled more than ever.  He caressed my body in his soft lengthy arms, kissed my forehead, and sang to me.  My head nuzzled in his chest, breathing in his sultry smell of Adidas deodorant and sweat.  I kissed his chest, falling into a fairytale, not wanting to leave the one I was in. - Excerpt from "Crash Queen Diaries"

    That's really how the best three years of my life began.  We started dating a week later actually.  Though, I really never thought he would stay around when he discovered the horrid things I had in my life at the time.  Though, Jimmy helped me best those beast and become somewhat of a tame person.  To be honest, if it wasn't for Jimmy; I'd either be six feet under from a Overdose or just a horrid little person.  Jimmy actually stayed up many nights with me when I was coming off the drugs.  I would literally become sick from the lack of Cocaine not in my system.  I would also so the most outrageous horrible things a person could say.  Jimmy was never quick or rash though. He'd sit me down and talk to me about these things. Telling me why I shouldn't say them or why I shouldn't do the things I do.  In roughly six months he had me clean and happy.  We would move into together from that day on.  We had this very pretty brick house on Fairfield Avenue in Bellevue.  We had a really good "American Dream" you could say.  Jimmy really tried to give me the best things, which honestly he was the only thing I needed to get through my days.

    I never told him but when we where dating; about a year into our relationship I told myself "One day, I'm going to be his wife."  So, you could imagine my happiness when on our Third anniversary Jimmy took me to "Paliminos" at Tower Plaza downtown.  We had this amazing beautiful candle light dinner and this amazing King Crab.  Melting right in your mouth; so juicy!  The dinner was just something that one could happily say they had once in their lifetime.  Finally, we where just sitting and laughing at the table.  Jimmy would tell the corniest jokes just because he knew them!  He stood up and walked over to me and knelt down on his knees and from his blazer produced a black velvet box.  Putting it closer to me he opened it and smiled widely; though he was a white as a ghost at this point.  In the box was this simply amazing wrap around ring that was free-form. It was a little key with a heart at the end and the other side was just a key end.  He spoke softly, his words vibrated "Tegan, would you do the honor and accept this key to my heart? I want you to make me the happiest man in the world."  I burst out in tears.  Rolling down my face, my mascara just flowing off my cheeks to my chin.  I grabbed his collar to his shirt and threw my face to his and just clasped our lips together and said "You sure come on strong don't cha!" and he screamed out "SHE SAID YES!" and everyone clapped for us.