Better now than never. In the past month I have been unpacking my mind in more than one way. Only because I am wanting to be more secure in my head space. It's not been the most easiest of times since I was let go from Chipotle. Why? Only because in the area I live in, it's honestly hard to find a job. I know you are thinking about Cincinnati and it being a Major U.S. City. That much is truth, only problem is we have a very high amount of folks who are jobless and on top of that, we have a rising number of Homeless in our city.
Being let go from Chipotle, because I was Trans* and my boss didn't want to tell me directly that was the reason was very upsetting. He treated me very much different than anyone else who worked there. He was continually short with me, never had a kind word for me (even though I was one of the best workers there at the time of my employment) and this was evident on paperwork. My job should have been secure because everyone loved me at the job. He was the single person who had the issue. When I tried to address it with him, he blatantly walked away from me. Didn't even address the issue. Of his own accord he decided to oppress me. So, even though I was only there for three months. I was a hard worker and dedicated myself to my job, but because I was Trans* I was fired. Only because I was told "People seem to have an issue with you." Which, continues to be a lie as I continue to hang out with my co-workers from Chipotle still to this day. For it again was him with the problem.
This was a daunting task to dread seeing your boss come in because the negative feeling he placed on me. When he wasn't there. I had a blast. He continually negates any remorse from his action. I was let go. That was it, just simple plain fact. I still feel horrified by this because I have never been fired and because I was Trans* it resulted in that (though I had worked as Trans* at several places before) yet, this one time my Trans* lifestyle superseded my work ethic and ability to maintain and be efficient.
I had only got my job at Chipotle because my best friend was working there and put a good word in for me. I had been looking for work since June. I didn't get this job until July... and on top of that started the day AFTER I buried my Great Aunt Thelma. Which was very hard. So, after that I started looking for work again... and to my persistence.... had no luck. I continue to be jobless because I cannot find work. Not that I don't try. I put tons of applications in, call employers, and yet I cannot even get an interview and that is daunting to think about. What about me on paper looks bad? I mean I am a published Quantum Physics Hobbyist! I developed "Neutrino Charge Existence"! YEP! That was me!
I achieve highly and I am happy about that, but I am kinda in the left wing going "WELLLLLL WHY?" I know I worked at Chipotle only because I am still a college student. Finding a job to support my theory won't be thought of until the testing of the Theory in 2016 by CERN Labs. So, it's a pickle, but I will survive. Though, Super Large Hadron Collider is going to be... BEAUTIFUL!
So, yes. Bills have been super tight and sex work that I have been under taking to make ends meet has be sparse. It's a low-high business. Seasonal work at best. My family was helping me out, but they kinda dropped the ball and decided to let it lay. So, I am swamped with bills to the point that I cannot pay them and I have lost my childhood home because of it. Which, is even more upsetting. To be honest, regardless of how much I do hate that house. I will miss it only because growing up. That was a place I knew as home and a place I knew if I was having trouble I could return to and be safe. It's upsetting to know it's going to be gone in a short time.
With everything going stray and myself not being able to really control the lack of money, the piles of bills, and the lack of food because the government only wants to give me 34 dollars a month for food. I cannot collect unemployment because I haven't paid enough into it, though I have been working since I was 18 and provided for myself and paid my dues. I cannot get away. I mean, I was working full time too. I helped pay for my college and now... when I need help my government kinda says "Do you have kids? No? Well then, this system will not provide for you. Should have knocked up a person in your teens. You'd be able to mooch off the system forever." Though, I am trying to use the system for the pure intent. Which is help while you look for a job, which is oddly funny it doesn't exist anymore as that.
With all this getting to me, I've been in a mental state that I haven't been in since I was 15. Having the thoughts I was having was very discerning because I promised someone I would never do such a thing because He'd want it that way. Even though, knowing I was going to be free from my problems and finally able to rest. I was not going to do it, because I keep my promises.
Luckily, I have really good friends who have taken me in as of late because of the things going stray. They are giving me food, shelter, and internet to help me find a job. The things I was highly lacking... In a crazy silly mixed up world. I'm going to be okay. I've been getting and feeling better for the past week. I've made a few head ways but it still daunts me. I'm worried I will drown, but I gotta keep pushing forward. I'm Tegan Rowan Stryker and for that... the world hasn't seen this shooting star shine yet.
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